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Well here we go: I’m blogging again. At least for today.

Now that I think my blog system is in roughly the shape I want to use for the next long term, I can create new posts without worrying about adding to the pile I need to migrate. But really I still have that problem, because I haven’t worked out how exactly I want to structure the source Markdown files and image folders. But that needn’t concern us today.

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Despite the horrid reviews on Amazon, I just bought Dragon Professional Individual for Mac V6 mostly due to a minor but recurring finger pain. I have mostly been having issues with my right hand, particularly my thumb and pointer finger. I sometimes notice it when I have been clicking a …

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I set my alarm for 8 a.m. but struggled to get up then. I shouldn’t have set an alarm, for I hit snooze every seven minutes for two hours and I’m quite tired now. I made tea and three eggs and sat down to work, though I …

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This morning federal agents detained someone close to me. His continuous employment and clean record since entering many years ago were not enough to make his illegal entrances legal.

Also today, two housemates moved out, too soon to count them close to me. Mysterious towings and a neighbor shouting “We don’t want any n_____s around here!” may have contributed. This is San Francisco? More directly, derelict landlords apparently let avarice supersede fostering relationships. Yes, this is San Francisco!

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The hamsters have died of shock. That's all folks, sorry.

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I know now I cannot sleep. I probably knew before, but I tried getting lost in music, vaguely hoping my consciousness be released. Trying to get lost is something I am not well equipped to handle, at any rate. I know exactly where I am. The vibrations in my earphones, captivating as they seem, somehow serve only to bring my thoughts into sharper focus. I can no longer contain my mind; the thoughts burst out, and I must write, lest I lose all hope of honoring them, of honoring myself. I am being haunted by the breaking heart of the woman who used to own my house, and I think that is why I must depart.

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2016-08-16

13:00

Assess string LED lights and the big fur coat.

14:00

Start attaching LEDs to big fur coat.

18:00

Wiring LEDs is done. Now eating some dinner (curry and rice Yizhen made me, some spinach Yizhen bought for me, and some chicken I made from Derek …

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I have a new inflamed tastebud, but thankfully the one I got yesterday is mostly better now. I haven’t had any for a while (weeks? months?), but I do remember having three at once sometime this year. I had been getting them somewhat frequently, but they did definitely heal, so I was at least pretty sure it was due to something I did periodically, not every day. Is it spicy food? I’m not sure, but that’s what I tell myself.

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10:00

Woke up, late, and still a bit tired.

11:20

Called to get food card reactivated. Have more than $400 to use, thankfully. Went to Falletti for groceries while Alan got coffee at Oak Cafe. I spent $94 on mostly vegetables, milk and some fermented things, aiming to …

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8:06

Forcing myself to get up at the time I set my Fitbit to vibrate (8:00 and then 8:06 and 8:09). I used to set the Fitbit and my phone, but I realized last night I could just set multiple Fitbit alarms (necessary since it does …

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I had trouble getting out of bed this morning, as I planned to go for an 18 mile run, but wanted to wait till I pooped. I had some Greek yogurt and honey, and then a granola bar, and after a couple of hours, I still couldn’t go.

I …

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A month ago I wrote a sort of history of my years of friendship with someone suffering with manic bipolar disorder. I concluded “Mania de Mayo” with a comment on my tiredness and a hopefully sarcastic comment about the type of friend I am. Not much good has happened since then regarding my friend, it seems to me, and his new friends along with some old are now organizing for a possible impending psychotic episode.

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I haven’t written much for a few weeks, but I’m still here. I’ve mostly been trying to focus on the programming projects and not worry about the brain exercises and other tasks, hoping this would be temporary, and soon I could get back to progressing on everything. But of course I have had diversions, both intentional and unexpected. This month my mind has been on relationships. First, romantic ones, and then for the past ten days, on a friend in need. It is on the latter I now write.

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This is just a quick note for future reference. A few friends shared the Medium piece “On Becoming Anti-Bernie” (PDF) by Robin Alperstein. I only read the first few pages, but that much of it basically reflects my sentiment: I love that Bernie is proving many Americans have a strong …

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Today I woke up later than hoped as usual, but not super late: 10:30ish. Brad broke up and went to work before 8, and I hope to pick it up at that time also, but when I finally went to bed around 2 I was still quite awake and …

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Periodically timing myself playing the card game Set.

Finding 10 sets: Count 13x3 cards, starting timing before laying out 12 cards, stop timing after first set found after only 12 cards remain table. If 1 minute passes without set, add three cards.

2016-03-16: 13:40, 5:57, 13:20, 6 …

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I’ve been spending a lot of time with or thinking about my ex these past few months, so perhaps it isn’t so strange I’ve felt myself falling more and more for him, despite having broken up nearly a year and a half ago.

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Tonight we had the first of two annual Christmas celebrations, though this year both will be held in the same house.

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This week involved not much more than working 56 hours (unusual), though it was at least in the company of my dog, Vera, since her new owner was out of town.

Work has been pretty crazy lately, as two of my large clients are undergoing migrations and redesigns. One of those launched this week, which went pretty smoothly, but just took a lot of time I didn’t have. The other has a lot of work left, but I hopefully finished most of my role and provided enough documentation for others on my team to fill in the gaps. Time will tell, there. As for me, I supposedly have off two days next week in exchange for the overtime this week, and I am already planning to take off the entire following week to get caught up on personal stuff.

I almost forgot to get a new Adderall prescription this week. I am prescribed one 25mg capsule daily, but because amphetamines are Schedule II drugs, it is somewhat inconvenient to actually obtain what I am prescribed. For most drugs, I can get 90 day prescriptions automatically filled by the mail order pharmacy my insurance uses, OptumRx. The two drugs I take, however, aren’t so easy. (Truvada as PrEP is a story for another time.)

Amphetamine and methylphenidate

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I’ve been at William’s for about four days so far, two nights of which he was away for work. We haven’t interacted a ton other than to laze about Sunday night and last night, watching some Modern Family and Big Bang Theory yesterday and a couple of movies about India Sunday. He did take me to a nice Chinese restaurant Sunday, and we ordered McDonald’s once and Pizza Hut once.

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Random notes I sent myself while not sober.

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I’m on a Greyhound bus returning to Milwaukee from visiting my ex in Chicago. This time, I boarded first, and I have plenty of room to sprawl and use my laptop. There are apparently only about 20 people on the bus, and everyone has two seats. The last bus …

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This got me researching later about the party scene in Tokyo. I found many forums with accounts of people doing drugs – specifically, ecstasy or (the better) pure MDMA, which is called "Molly" in the states and "Mandy" in the UK. The general situation in Japan seems to be:

* Japan is one of the strictest countries regarding drug laws, and quantity or intent matter not
* Drugs that do exist here are therefore much more expensive than elsewhere (“The street price of a gram of cannabis weed was $58.30 in 2005, over twice as much as in the next most expensive nation, Australia.”)
* People don't talk about drugs even if they do them. Similar to elsewhere, but more severe. Apparently many of the population are extremely sensitive about this, due to what I can only imagine is an ingrained sense that breaking rules is wrong (“unconscionable”) and you cannot question the rule's basis. If you even mention drugs, people will stop talking to you and you'll have no friends.

AgeHa

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I’ve been busy catching up on personal stuff since returning from Burning Man.

First, I finally located a primary care doctor in San Francisco.

I’ve been putting it off because I didn’t want to deal with scheduling appointments and figuring out how much it would cost me …

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Last night Derek invited me to go out with him and some friends from LA. I wasn’t going to, but agreed around 11 p.m. to meet him out. I was more inclined to go because he was presently alone at the bar, so I could meet him first …

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Charlie Gorichanaz's ancestry composition according to 23andMe's “speculative estimate”

Charlie Gorichanaz's ancestry composition according to 23andMe's “standard estimate”

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I need to stop taking naps midday. Or stop being tired midday. Or something. But I hate just getting to work in the afternoon! When I could be almost done for the day!

I started using the app Sleep Cycle last night. We’ll see.

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I've been a slight mess of late. Not unprovoked, but I could certainly stand to take a deep breath and reassess more frequently.

Wednesday I was again expecting to do dinner and maybe a movie and spend the night with the guy I like. After hours of (infrequent on his part) text message exchanges, he basically changed his mind about wanting to hang out. And of course the whole night I didn't commit to anything else, including getting any real work done. So the result was a sad, disappointed and unproductive Charlie.

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We got a pretty big (historic, I guess) snow storm Wednesday, dumping about 20 inches of snow on Milwaukee.

Making headway shoveling the sidewalk in front of the house of my mother

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I have been quite unproductive during the last two weeks... but I've also been hanging out with the new friend almost daily. I'll just briefly recapitulate the recent happenings, as I need to eat, shower and get ready to maybe go to Madison soon.

Bo and me

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What a weekend! I had been hoping to get to Chicago for New Year's, but it was unclear I'd have anyone to stay with or even go out with until the late afternoon New Year's eve. I was unsuccessful in locating a friend to crash with, after asking a dozen people almost, so it was looking like I wouldn't do much.

Thanks for taking the photo, Will!

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Zach G: what did you end up doing?

Charlie Gorichanaz: well as you know, i was planning to go out with michael and you, if not at my place, then wherever... and then plan b.

Charlie Gorichanaz: and as you know, both of you went with manoel. and as you know, i got ready and sat drinking by myself... because you told me i was more than welcome to use your car to pathetically go to plan b solo

Charlie Gorichanaz: and as you know, you didn't respond to any of my texts or answer when i called

Charlie Gorichanaz: so as you could probably deduce, i sat alone, all night

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Notwithstanding my too frequent proclivity toward drama, I love everyone in my life. Each adds assets, be they companionship, comfort or wisdom. Henceforth, I will try much harder to let permeate peace and happiness.

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Emotional drama: the greatest waste of time and energy.

People spend so much time thinking about what people are thinking about them, when everybody should really be conquering homework, nurturing friendships and growing beautiful flowers. I have seen so much pain and suffering lately, both of which have been completely unnecessary and unfounded.

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I really miss my good friend Dyan. When I came to Madison, I left her in Menomonee Falls so she could take care of my Subway. I'm hoping to come home in two weeks, and perhaps I will see her.

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Arg, so many thoughts through my mind!!!

First of all, Tim B and I have been talking a lot and hanging out a lot lately, which is good -- because I obviously want to be his friend. This has also reminded me that I really wouldn't mind if Tim "wanted me back"... so conflictive! It still seems like it would be quite a while before that would possibly happen, though, anyway.

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It's been an interesting week.

I have exchanged many messages on Facebook with a new friend, Eric. Apparently I've never seen him or heard of him before, despite the smallness of Wisconsin's gay community. He's a junior studying biochemistry, which is pretty much what I want to do. He doesn't want to go to med school, though. He's also short and quite attractive. :-)

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In other news, I decided I need to be more optimistic, more understanding, more attentive, more caring, and more worry-free. I have not been any of those things lately, which put me -- and those about whom I most care -- through many a hardship. You live, you learn. This is a new beginning.

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THIS ENTRY IS NOT YET FINISHED

Tristan and Bubbles

Tim

Selena, Ricky and Maggie

Bubbles

Testing for some portfolio photos of Selena

Testing for some portfolio photos of Selena

Testing for some portfolio photos of Selena

Bubbles

Ben

Bubbles and Maggie

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After much distress, I have settled on a schedule for next semester, more or less.

I decided to take an interdisciplinary course on Russia after I learned that first-semester Russian would not be offered this spring. Unfortunately, by the time I got to enroll, the class was full! I then …

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Well, it’s not snowing that hard, but with much more vigor than we’ve seen this year thus far.

Here’s a wonderful idea to warm you up

I successfully woke up four hours early to do homework! So I’m gonna get back to that…

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Well, it's Sunday! I just got back from getting groceries and going to lunch with my mother and my five youngest siblings - but that's not what I want to talk about.
Last night Justin V invited me to dinner. We went to Wasabi on State St., and it was officially my first time having Japanese cuisine. I think I had something called..., um, nevermind, I forgot. Anyway, it was shrimp, vegetables and rice, with a side of Me-something soup. Interesting spoons are used in such places, too. I spilled a bit...
After that, we were about to go to the Badger Herald party at Taylor H's apartment, but we first visited Justin's friend Lauren's party upon receiving her phone call. That was interesting - I saw a few of her friends, including Chong L and her boyfriend Matt U...

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I really miss Dyan. Here are my latest crazy antics:

Dion W: I don’t understand how you can want to talk to me one second and then not the next. This has nothing to do with you being an asshole…no one has ever called you that. You’re …

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Well, this week is finally over, almost. I have a chemistry assignment that was due at 5 p.m., but I didn’t finish it - so I’m going to work on it after this and hopefully turn it in this morning. This weekend I have to study for math …

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Note to readers: this entry is basically a continuation of an earlier entry from a week ago. Please familiarize yourself with the other entry before proceeding! Thanks!

I am currently having an email conversation with Dion, which I will transcribe below when it’s complete. Below that is the AIM …

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This week has been pretty nuts.

An online friend, Travis Bjorklund, messaged me two weeks ago stating that his parents were going to charge him rent, so he was either going to move to Madison or back to Florida. I told him that he was welcome to come live with …

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Well, after many hours of work, I am pretty much done installing Movable Type! In fact, you are looking at it right now!

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I have been tinkering a bit lately, and I think I am going to change this blog from Nucleus CMS to Movable Type. I just need to figure out how to export everything properly…

I’m very disappointed with myself this weekend - last weekend I got no homework done, but …

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Hey! This is going to be a very quickly-written entry because I’m trying to finish some straightening before I leave for work…

Last week was somewhat stressful - not because I had a TON of homework, but because the homework I did have seemed to take forever to complete! I …

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I’m joining it.

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6:20; Wake up, change alarm to 6:35

6:35; Wake up, take shower

6:57; Call Melissa Zehner to be sure she’s up. She’s muy tired-sounding. Aww.

7:00; Sit down and figure out what classes I have and where I’m going. Look for clothes …

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College is finally here…and I’m totally not ready.

I’ve got a kitchen table, chairs, and counter completely stacked with groceries… $450 worth actually. I went home over the weekend to babysit and go to Six Flags Great America with the family… except Ben didn’t go… but …

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Finally, after nearly four years, my braces have been removed. My teeth feel weird, smooth, and look huge. I am now to wear a rubber tooth positioner four hours a day until further notice. No retainer. Yay!

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It’s been a while since I’ve actually written a blog entry… I like to do the picture thing so that people don’t get bored, but once in a while I should actually write - so that, some time in the future, I can look back and think, “Gee …

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As I get to it, I’ll be adding lots and lots of very old journals, chats, poems, etc. Stay tuned (as if you are actually reading this)

Also, I’m testing the image uploader:Click for image? Maybe?

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I’m sorry about skipping the last two months pretty much, but I don’t really feel like trying to think what all happened…

While I was at work on Thursday, my dad called to let me know that he was fine with my being gay, but he said we …

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I need inspiration. I feel like I might very well be inspired, but when I try to draw from that inspiration and create poetry, it fails to impress my peers. Perhaps I should instead channel that energy into art, for visually I am inclined, and fear of acceptance and appreciation …

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I need help.

I am lost.

I’ll start with Valentine’s Day.

The day before, I bought a dozen roses for 20 bucks and a bunch of candles and little things and put them in a nice gift bag. I gave them to Heather on Valentine’s…and she …

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Charlie: alan
Charlie: how r u
Alan: fine, y tu
Charlie: pretty good
Charlie: im having issues
Charlie: with my girlfriend
Charlie: but im alright
Alan: what happened?
Charlie: long long story are you really interested
Alan: i enjoy long stories
Charlie: oh boy i’ve being chatting for 7 …

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Hello Matthew. Erase the last email I sent, and continue replying from this one. I will try to remember some of what I typed before.

I feel so terrible about that email. I spent so long working on it. What a waste. I poured out all of my thoughts and …

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