Vote Charlie!

Roommates + bois = trouble [continued]

Posted at age 18.
Created . Edited .

Note to readers: this entry is basically a continuation of an earlier entry from a week ago. Please familiarize yourself with the other entry before proceeding! Thanks!

I am currently having an email conversation with Dion, which I will transcribe below when it’s complete. Below that is the AIM conversation that coincides with the emails, but I wanted to keep the main content in the emails.

2:46 am ——————————————- Charlie:

Ok, you’re going to hate me for this - I don’t want to say we can’t hang out or be friends - I don’t know if that’ll be a consequence of this or not - but we cannot do anything sexual or close to it again. Ok? So don’t tempt me.

2:53 am ——————————————- Dion:

Ok….so I understand why you may be doing this. I’m guessing it’s because of the jealousy, but there has to be more behind this. So, please do explain. I do want to add that I agree that it had to be done because if we get an apt together next year it would’ve caused some problems. Also, I don’t understand why we can’t do this over AIM……and don’t worry about hanging out. I won’t stop hanging out with you because of it. 90% of my gay friends I don’t have sex with ;)

2:58 am ——————————————- Charlie:

It’s more this: I’m going to be completely honest. Travis left his phone on the floor under my chair. I don’t know why, but anyway, I read his messages. Very, very bad. But I did it - I don’t care if he reads mine… I’m trying to be as honest as I can.

So anyway, I decided that as long as Travis is around, he is a “threat” as far as you and me and him go… he obviously likes you, and I obviously don’t like that. So - my solution: I am not doing anything sexual with you, and hopefully it won’t affect me as much when I am thinking about what Travis and you are doing. So you are free to do whatever you want with him - just please don’t fuck in my apartment. You have your own place now anyway.

Also, this no-sex decision is not at all based on the next year apartment thing… I’d be fine messing around now, then, both, or neither… this is strictly a result of Travis.

I’m TRYING to be nice to him, but nothing will really change what goes on between him and you..

SO we’re basically back where we were last week. I tried to give being closer friends with you a chance, but I can’t handle it. It’s driving me insane. I think that’s why I’m so tired now after having been awake only 12 hours…

Anyway, that’s that.

3:00 am ——————————————- Dion:

So what I really don’t understand about the whole situation is that many times you’ve said that if it were anyone else, you would be perfectly fine. So, what’s the issue with Travis. I understand that him and I hit it off pretty easily when he first moved here, but I don’t understand why you have such a grudge towards him.

3:04 am ——————————————- Charlie:

I don’t know Dion.

Maybe it’s because I like you and am interpreting him as a threat. I understand what you told me about wanting to be single, and about wanting to fuck Jason over Thanksgiving, etc. - and maybe I’m ok with that. It might just be that I don’t want you to be with Travis. Maybe that’s totally not it. Maybe I don’t like you. Maybe it’s just Travis that I don’t like. I think he is very disagreeable around me. I’m not even sorry - I get along well with many people. Perhaps he’s just not one of them.

Maybe it’s neither of these things. Human beings cannot always explain their emotions.

3:10 am ——————————————- Dion:

That’s perfectly understandable….I just don’t want to lose you as a friend Charlie………

3:14 am ——————————————- Charlie:

I don’t know Dion. I think I only want to see you if we both happen to be in the same place. I can’t handle having you over here or going to your place or anything. It’s just too much. And as for next year, I don’t know. If Travis is still around, I definitely think I am getting my own apartment or splitting with someone from a completely different circle of friends. If Travis is not still around, I still don’t know. Time will tell..

As for now, do whatever with Travis, just don’t tell me about it, don’t IM me, and don’t be here when I am. And no fucking in my house.


3:23 am ——————————————- Dion:

I don’t want to sound like a complete dick but I think it’s stupid that you’re letting one person mess up a friendship that started long before he was even a figment of our imaginations. On top of that, you have a blatant disregard for how I may feel in this situation. Did you ever think if what you are doing is fair to me? Well, in case you haven’t noticed already, it’s not. I think it’s time that you set your differences with Travis aside and be the person I met at the beginning of the school year. Jealousy can be controlled, I know it. I did it for the year I was with Jason. You just have to BELIEVE it can be controlled in order for it to happen. If you don’t believe it, then jealousy will ruin every encounter you ever have between multiple people. Trust me, it’s happened to me before and it makes your life miserable. I don’t want to see that happen to one of my friends.

3:27 am ——————————————- Charlie:

Like I said, I don’t want to make you choose between two friends, so I’m voluntarily dropping off of your planet. It honestly doesn’t matter to me how you feel - sounds selfish, but here’s the logic: However bad you feel about losing me is canceled by how good you feel about gaining Travis. If that is not the case, you wouldn’t have chosen Travis - hence this is the best choice.

I simply can’t handle being around you and getting closer to you when I know that you and Travis like each other and there is potential there. I DON’T KNOW WHY. It’s just how it is.

So, without any further objections, I’d like to retire for the evening and begin spending more time with the people I care about.

3:36 am ——————————————- Dion:

Your logic is flawed….EXTREMELY flawed. All of my friends are equal and your whole spiel about good feelings gained by hanging out with Travis is a crock of shit and you know it Charlie. I like Travis as a friend, nothing more. You are the one that is making this situation so difficult. It has nothing to do with emotions you have no control over. You keep telling yourself that I like Travis…that I want to fuck him…that I want to date him. Reality check…that’s not true. Even in the small circumstance that I did like Travis (but, like I mentioned before I don’t) I wouldn’t date him if it endangered another healthy friendship. I’m not that type of person. I’d rather have a bunch of good friends and be single than have a boyfriend and loose a friend in the process. And as for your last sentence [like to retire for the evening and begin spending more time with the people I care about. ~~~~>for reference purposes], that is quite the low blow to me. I’m hoping that that’s just your emotions talking and not how you actually feel towards me.

3:39 am ——————————————- Charlie:

You cause me much pain and anguish. That is affecting EVERYTHING I am doing and feeling. I NEED IT TO STOP.

I honestly want to kick Travis out just so these problems between us would stop, but that’s not fair to him or you.

I don’t care what you think about my logic. It’s how I feel, and based on what I’ve seen of your and Travis’s conversations, it’s somewhat dignified.


3:53 am ——————————————- Dion:

So here are a few things that have come to mind over the past hour or so:

a) You can’t take anything from our conversations (those between Travis and I) because context is a wonderful thing. Words can be interpreted/used in many ways, it’s actually quite wonderful.

b) Please tell me how eliminating a friend from your life because you can’t be mature about something is logical. I’m having trouble understanding it.

c) Once again with the happiness issue. I like to be happy to ya know. Losing a friend is a big deal to me Charlie. It’s an even bigger deal when that person never really tried to come to a compromise. The middle ground is a great area [it worked for the Indians…..].

a. Sub thought…. You’re going to terminate all communication between us forever, how do you think that makes me feel? Maybe you should put yourself in my shoes and see what I’m going through in you doing this. Nothing is ever JUST about you, you need to think of the consequences, which you obviously have not done.

d) An idea that popped into my head from your first e-mail about not tempting you. Last I recall, many of the times we’ve fooled around were initiated by you, not me. So quit being a hypocrite.

e) As an end note….it kind of perturbs me that I’ve always offered my help to you and tried to help in any way whenever possible. I don’t think this is a respectful way to repay someone who randomly calls you out of the blue when they know you’re having a bad day to check up and see how you’re doing. Once again, quit thinking about just yourself.

That’s really all I can think of at the moment. If I think of anymore, I’ll be sure to let you know.J Hopefully sometime down the road you’ll be able to realize how stupid this is, but from the sounds of it I shouldn’t hold my breath. Just to let you know, I don’t hold grudges so if you ever decide that you can actually be mature and want to be friends again I don’t think I’ll be going anywhere anytime soon. You know where to find me. In the mean time, have a nice life…..

3:59 am ——————————————- Charlie:

Dion, first of all, I didn’t say this was it forever. I said indefinitely - as in we are on hold. Quit it with the being mature thing. I TRIED this past week to compromise, but it is NOT working for me. On the temptation note - I am completely aware of how my horniness corrupts my actions. I’m not proud of that. Therefore I need to distance myself from you so that MY HORNINESS DOESN’T FUCK THINGS UP EVEN MORE. And for all of your help, I am grateful. That’s partially why I tried to stay your friend this past week - but as I said, it’s not working. I’m still having problems, and it’s nobody’s fault but my own. Just please let me deal with my feelings on my own, and if I need you for some reason, I’ll talk to you - but in the mean time: please try not to comment my pics or write on my wall, message me or call or text - because all of those things make me think about you - and that is what causes me pain.


(samtothemaz is what I renamed dion’s screen name)

[02:41] achaia3: u there

[02:41] samtothemaz: ja

[02:42] achaia3: email me - we’re doing this via email cuz i want it saved

[02:42] achaia3:

[02:42] samtothemaz: what am i e-mailing you?

[02:42] achaia3: a blank email

[02:42] achaia3: we’re having a convo via email

[02:42] samtothemaz: you can save the im’s

[02:42] achaia3: just do it

[02:44] achaia3: hello?

[02:44] samtothemaz: i’m going

[02:44] samtothemaz: chill

[02:44] achaia3: just making sure u weren’t ignoring me

[02:46] achaia3: sent

[02:48] samtothemaz: is this a result of the jealousy/

[02:48] achaia3: email!

[02:49] samtothemaz: charlie this is stupid…you can friggen save IM’s

[02:49] achaia3: i’m not responding to anything that’s not in that email

[02:49] achaia3: i’m minimizing aim and turning off these monitors

[02:49] achaia3: so EMAIL

[02:49] samtothemaz: this is soo…..childish!

[02:49] *** Auto-response sent to samtothemaz: I am currently away from the computer.

[03:21] achaia3: you need to reply or are we done?

[03:21] achaia3: i need sleep

[03:21] samtothemaz: o i’m replying….

[03:22] samtothemaz: i told you doing this by e-mail was a bad idea, it takes too long

[03:22] achaia3: well it has to be this way cuz im anal

[03:22] achaia3: procede..

[03:27] achaia3: reply

[03:27] samtothemaz: i did

[03:27] samtothemaz: o to that one

[03:28] samtothemaz: my e-mail only checks every 5 minutes

[03:28] samtothemaz: i need to use the bathroom quick

[03:28] samtothemaz: don’t go anywhere

[03:32] achaia3: hurry i’m tired

[03:32] samtothemaz: you started this

[03:32] samtothemaz: now you get to wait until its done

[03:39] achaia3: reply

[03:39] achaia3: or end it

[03:40] samtothemaz: grrr

[03:40] samtothemaz: you’re pissing me off :)

[03:45] achaia3: you need to write faster - i am going to bed very soon, so get out whatever you want to get out -

[03:45] samtothemaz: o

[03:45] samtothemaz: i’m thinking

[03:45] achaia3: this was supposed to be quick and it’s been an hour

[03:46] samtothemaz: I could’ve had everything down by now

[03:46] achaia3: just write, dont respond to this

[03:46] samtothemaz: but no, charlie had to do it over e-mail

[03:46] achaia3: WRITE

[03:46] achaia3: im logging off at 4

[03:46] samtothemaz: when you could’ve just as easily saved an IM

[03:46] achaia3: and our communication is ending then indefinitely

[03:56] achaia3: im writing a quick reply

[04:00] achaia3: oh, i replied

[04:07] achaia3: dion are u writing back or am I going to bed/

[04:08] samtothemaz: i’m not replying

[04:08] samtothemaz: just go to bed if you’re so worried

[04:08] achaia3: ok, i’m showing travis this in the morn so we’re all on the same page

[04:08] achaia3: gnight

[04:08] samtothemaz: have fun with him getting mad at you for looking at his phone

[04:09] achaia3: honesty’s the best policy right?

[04:09] achaia3: gnight

[04:09] samtothemaz: not when you’re nosy about it. he’s trying to be nice to you (as far as I can see) and you turn around and do that. nice, very nice

[04:09] samtothemaz: so yea…good night

4:11 am - Dion texted me: before I forget, are we still going to the madhatters concert together then?

4:12 am - I replied: Try to find someone else