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Remi, the sweetest dog, returns home

Posted at age 35.
Edited .

I wish I could erase the past two weeks. Alan’s beautiful Remi was healthy and active, especially for a dog of 12 years. He came into my life four years ago. We were together nearly every hour since, through the pandemic and several moves. Those years were challenging for me personally, and he helped me cope when I was struggling, which was often. I loved going on adventures with him. I loved taking care of him. I love him.

But the day after our last 6 mile hike, I gave him Frontline Plus per the directions. Two days later, Remi stopped voluntarily eating, and his muscles stiffened to the point he could barely walk. The next week was desperate attempts to diagnose, to feed, to comfort. The final hours, of trying to raise his body temperature and then rush to the hospital as my beloved Alan administered rescue breathing and CPR in the back of the Jeep, are hours I hope to never endure again. They are hours I nonetheless cannot stop reliving in my mind.

As I reflect on Remi’s life and my culpability in its end, I am only comforted that he was always a happy dog, and as far as I could tell was not in any pain through his last moments, when I am sure he heard Alan and me both telling him we love him.

Our sweet Remi, on a hike in May 2023.

Our sweet Remi, on a hike in May 2023.

When I thought about writing this journal last week, it was supposed to be about Remi’s falling ill and then recovering. I had been documenting the details of his feeding and as much as I could compile about his recent history, in preparation for a potential vet visit. I started to suspect the Frontline application may be contributing once I had that timeline in front of me. But blood tests showed an infection, so I had hope Remi would recover with antibiotics. And he seemed to, ever so briefly.

For now, I wanted to at least share these photos for close friends who knew Remi. I’ve added in most of those contemporaneous notes to a timeline here as well, so others who are going through something similar can understand what to expect or at least be warned of what can happen when subjecting a loved one to something designed to kill. I’ll be adding more of my journal here and perhaps pulling the detailed timeline out to a separate post.

Tuesday, August 1

This evening was Remi’s last hike, a lovely 6.2 miles through Anthony Chabot Regional Park. It was just Remi, Ruffie and me, and nothing out of the ordinary happened. Remi had normal energy and excitement for the hike.

Remi's last hike, 6 miles through Anthony Chabot Regional Park.

Remi's last hike, 6 miles through Anthony Chabot Regional Park.

Wednesday, August 2

I worked from home Wednesday and administered Frontline Plus for dogs to both dogs. I used the size for large dogs 45-88 pounds because at last weighing in June Remi was 45.5 pounds and Ruffie 68.

Prior to this Frontline Plus treatment, Remi had been getting the Amazon version of the same product with the same active ingredients supposedly. We started that only in January 2021, at a lower dose, and increased to the current “large dog” size in mid 2021, but didn’t give every month in 2022. We started being pretty consistent at the beginning of 2023 due to having started hiking in the East Bay and coming back with lots of ticks. Prior to these ticks from hiking, the main concern was fleas from our cat Kiko, who used to be a partly outdoor cat. When we moved to Oakland in mid 2021, we had to stop Kiko from going outside due to the many fleas he suddenly started getting.

See the extra details at the bottom of this post for complete history of the flea prevention products we used.

Friday, August 4 (Frontline Day 3)

Alan reported that Remi did not eat much today of his kibble that we switched him to a month ago and that he seemed to like. Then on our evening walk after I got home from work, Remi seemed to be walking very slowly. I discussed this with Alan during the walk, but we still finished the normal route, and Remi pooped in his normal place along the route.

Saturday, August 5 (Frontline Day 4)

Remi didn’t sleep well last night. He started on the normal reclined chair sleeping spot, but was whining a bit as we were trying to sleep around midnight. At first I thought it was because he wanted to be on the bed — we recently lofted it, making it inaccessible to him sadly. Then I tried putting the big soft dog bed back on the chair, but Remi still whined on it after a while. I started suspecting he might be in pain, maybe due to a dental issue. (I had this on my mind recently and asked Alan to schedule a dental appointment for as soon as possible, which we set up just a week ago. I wanted to get Remi’s teeth cleaned so he could have a happy last couple years of life. Alas.)

At around 02:00 I moved to the office couch with Remi. He stayed on the couch with me for a bit but eventually went to lie on the floor, so I got the dog bed from the bedroom to put in the office. Remi tried it for a bit but then went back on the floor. He moved around through the night, still whining frequently.

This was the only time Remi vocalized any discomfort during his last week. Normally we think of Remi as being pretty sensitive, and he’d whine or yelp loudly from very small disturbances. I therefore am pretty sure he wasn’t in pain after this point, but thinking back on this night, I am not sure what was going on. I imagine now he must have been experiencing discomfort from his stiffening muscles, but it could have been digestive issues or other pain. I wish I could have helped him better.

Eventually by around 05:00, I took him outside again and he drank a lot of water, and just stood around strangely instead of coming inside. I was wondering if he was either sick or getting dementia. Then he came inside and finally stopped whining, and I was able to get some sleep, but still woke frequently.

When we went outside again around 09:00, he drank more water and peed only a little it seemed. Alan thought he could be bloated. He does seem a little plump maybe, but it’s hard to tell. I’m trying to massage his stomach and get him to walk, but he is very resistant to moving right now.

The day after Remi refused to eat his normal kibble food, I got a bunch of different canned meats in hopes he would find those more desirable. He still barely could eat at all.

The day after Remi refused to eat his normal kibble food, I got a bunch of different canned meats in hopes he would find those more desirable. He still barely could eat at all.

I think he was contemplating going outside to pee but his muscles were not cooperating readily.

I think he was contemplating going outside to pee but his muscles were not cooperating readily.

Sunday, August 6 (Frontline Day 5)

Remi slept the whole night on the chair in the bedroom aside from potty breaks.

He woke to pee around 03:00 and 05:00, and then at 06:30 peed and pooped a little somewhat normal poop with a weird colored soft part, then peed again at 09:00. Around 10:00 he ate a little but not much. He seems more alert and is able to walk up the stairs to the top of the yard at least.

Alan got him to eat a little bit of chicken this morning and a little bit of egg, but not much food. He can walk around but is very slow, and can handle stairs slowly but is better on the concrete stairs outside compared to the wood floor stairs inside that he probably knows he slips on.

The day after the canned meats didn't work, Alan tried preparing smaller foods like scrambled eggs and rice and shredded chicken.

The day after the canned meats didn't work, Alan tried preparing smaller foods like scrambled eggs and rice and shredded chicken.

Remi resting with his stiff limbs in the afternoon on the 6th.

Remi resting with his stiff limbs in the afternoon on the 6th.

In the afternoon he went outside and up the hill halfway and then puked some yellow liquid with some food in it, I’m not sure if it was the eggs, but it looked similar to what he pukes in the morning sometimes when he doesn’t eat. He drank some water and went back inside.

At 18:06 Remi refused food but went outside to pee, then made a small poop and another small mooshy thing. Then we tried feeding a can of chicken breast, and he ate a little. I’ll go to the store to get some cans of chicken dog food. Alan cooked some rice and fed him that with carrots and chicken, and he ate some, though he was trying to discard everything but the chicken. I’m happy he at least ate something finally.

20:00: Remi seems a little more lively, not sure if the rice and chicken helped already. But he walked to my office door, then I opened the outside door and he went to drink water and pee again. Then Alan brought him more rice, carrots and chicken, and he started eating some more after I coaxed him out of the chair with a treat.

22:00: We went for a short walk with Remi and Ruffie. Remi needed coaxing to get down the stairs outside our door, but once on the sidewalk he walked OK but pretty slowly. We made our way around the block. He pooped a bit of loose stringy stuff, then we walked the rest of the way up the hill and back down around the block.

Monday, August 7 (Frontline Day 6)

Remi slept fine again and also didn’t take any bathroom breaks between midnight and when we woke around 09:00. He’s been able to walk around the house but pretty minimally. He spent time sleeping in my office on the floor or on the couch, which is pretty normal, but he seems very tired and  slow. Alan tried giving him cooked sweet potatoes and blended chicken rice, but he seems to only want to eat whole chunks of chicken. He did eat a couple soft milkbone treats, and nibbled on a fish skin (which he normally would completely consume in a few minutes).

One of the last times the dogs lay together, Monday.

One of the last times the dogs lay together, Monday.

Tuesday, August 8 (Frontline Day 7)

Remi slept fine last night, he did go out to pee sometime around 05:00, then didn’t go out again till around 09:30.

12:00: We still haven’t been able to get him to eat anything, even a soft treat he usually likes. Alan tried feeding him some liquid food with a turkey baster or pipette but couldn’t get him to swallow anything.

Tuesday, Remi was breathing somewhat strangely, though seemed happy. We ended up deciding he needed to see a vet this afternoon, and we got an appointment for 2 hours later at 14:00.

Tuesday, Remi was breathing somewhat strangely, though seemed happy. We ended up deciding he needed to see a vet this afternoon, and we got an appointment for 2 hours later at 14:00.

A bit after noon we decided to try to get him a vet appointment as soon as possible, ideally today but at least for tomorrow. I believe Alan first called the East Bay SPCA, as Remi has a dental appointment scheduled there for September 5. They didn’t have availability, but sent Alan a PDF of vets in the area. He called some from that list and ended up finding an appointment for less than 2 hours from now, at 14:00 at the Castro Valley Animal Hospital, 510-582-8387, 2837 Castro Valley Blvd, Castro Valley, CA 94546.

We drove there and arrived a few minutes before 14:00. Alan went in to register while I waited in the car with Remi. There I noticed he had a small amount of thick whitish discharge from his penis. Maybe he has a UTI. This was the first I saw of this, and pretty sure I would have noticed it if he had it yesterday. I wiped a small sample into a plastic bag in case it was useful later, but otherwise cleaned him up and then brought him in when Alan texted a few minutes later.

The vet brought him to a back room while Alan and I waited in a different exam room. I wished we could be with him, as I’m sure he was scared. I don’t think we heard anything, except a possible wailing from a dog we weren’t sure if was him. It could have been getting the needle for a blood test. The vet came to speak with us, saying his vitals were OK but that he had a small fever, I believe of 103.5ish. I mentioned that his temperature was 102.9 a couple days ago, which I read was not a fever but the vet said was a minor one. At any rate, they wanted to keep him for a blood test, and based on that we would get a recommendation to stay the night or not. So we went back home without Remi.

The vet called somewhere around 16:30, suprisingly fast. The blood results were in and showed apparently an infection due to white blood cell counts, as well as some minor issues with liver, kidney and pancreas indicators. The vet wanted to start antibiotics by injection on the assumption he had an infection. They wanted to keep him for a day in the hospital, though because they were not staffed overnight, we said we’d take him home at the end of the day.

At 20:00, we picked up Remi for the night, to return to hospital at 08:30 in the morning. He didn’t seem scared when he was led out to the waiting room, and he was happy to see us, wagging his tail happily and walking quicker toward me to hug him. He seemed to walk somewhat faster than earlier when we left toward the car, but I carried him into the car and up the stairs. He peed outside the hospital on the way to the car, but didn’t bother lifting his leg, or couldn’t.

Alan managed to get him to eat somewhere around half to a cup of canned chicken dog food paste. He just rested on the couch. Till bedtime.

Wednesday, August 9 (Frontline Day 8)

We woke at 07:30 and Alan fed Remi a little bit of the paste chicken food.

Alan trying to feed Remi some meat paste in the morning before we took him back to the hospital at 08:30 on Wednesday.

Alan trying to feed Remi some meat paste in the morning before we took him back to the hospital at 08:30 on Wednesday.

At 08:30 we took Remi back to the hospital, where he got another round of antibiotics and awaited urinalysis and second blood test. The results were slightly improved from yesterday, and urine was fine apparently.

At 16:00 we picked Remi up from the hospital. He peed on the floor there in the waiting room. In retrospect he walked toward the door instead of to greet me when he came out, so I think he was looking for a place he pee. They said not to worry about the mess, as he had gotten a lot of fluids.

Once home, he wasn’t hungry. We did end up going on most of the normal walk, only cutting off a bit of the end when we realized an Oakland steel recycling plant fire was polluting the air. Remi was slow but able to walk fine it seemed. He even reacted a little bit to Ruffie looking at cats.

Remi started licking his underside a bit here and there, so we started using the cones more constantly. This gave me a little hope he was recovering to his old self. I have not seen any further penile discharge, either.

Thursday, August 10 (Frontline Day 9)

  • 04:00: Remi woke once to go pee, didn’t drink water, went back to sleep.
  • 09:00ish: Alan fed Remi the antibiotic pills and a little bit of food.
  • 10-11ish: Remi went outside and vomited, then did again a little bit, a bit later. Not sure how much antibiotic was absorbed already before vomit.
  • 12:45: Remi ate around half a cup of shredded chicken breast from the pressure cooker. He didn’t want any that had sweet potatoes mixed. Then drank a little water.
  • Remi ate a bit more chicken, and a dry milkbone.

18:00: Fed Remi his antibiotic in some cream cheese. First tried a pill pocket, but he wouldn’t eat it. Then wrapped it in chicken, and he still wouldn’t. Will have to save that one for the morning and hope he is more hungry.
Then walked the dogs alone, Remi was too slow crossing 94th and I couldn’t get him out of the middle of the road for a bit, so we decided to walk a shorter route just around the one block. He livened up a little bit to bark at another dog through a fence as well as bite at Ruffie when they were excited about passing dogs. But otherwise Remi was very slow and feeble. Once back, he wouldn’t eat any more chicken or milkbones, so we rested on couch.

Remi's last time lying with me on the couch at night, the day before he passed away.

Remi's last time lying with me on the couch at night, the day before he passed away.

Friday, August 11 (Frontline Day 10)

  • Remi slept fine, on the chair.
  • Alan got remi to eat a bit of chicken food this morning but it wasn’t easy. Then we gave the antibiotics in cream cheese, but even that he didn’t take easily, we had to kind of shove them into his mouth before he swallowed.
  • Remi rested outside in the pile of grass clippings for about an hour while I read in the hammock. I don’t think he pooped yet today (since yesterday’s evening walk) as of 14:00.
That small indentation on the right side of this pile of grass is where Remi carved out a little resting place Friday afternoon so he could lie in the sun. (This photo was taken the next day though.)

That small indentation on the right side of this pile of grass is where Remi carved out a little resting place Friday afternoon so he could lie in the sun. (This photo was taken the next day though.)

On Friday, Remi spent the daytime in my office while I worked. He started on the couch, then went to the soft bed on the floor, and then on the bare floor. He was quiet but seemed OK. I would never have thought he would be gone in mere hours.

On Friday, Remi spent the daytime in my office while I worked. He started on the couch, then went to the soft bed on the floor, and then on the bare floor. He was quiet but seemed OK. I would never have thought he would be gone in mere hours.

Alan feeding Remi one last time, by the method of pushing the food through his teeth till it was on his tounge and he then swallowed it.

Alan feeding Remi one last time, by the method of pushing the food through his teeth till it was on his tounge and he then swallowed it.

  • Just before I was going to take Ruffie for a walk at 18:00, Remi kind of collapsed in the hallway and wouldn’t get up. We realized his temperature was low. We started warming him with a blanket and then a heater.
  • 18:00 96.8, 18:30 96.3, 19:00 97.0, he whined a bit twice around 19:02.
  • 19:30: Remi seemed stable enough for me to try taking Ruffie for his walk finally, so I had Alan call me on Whatsapp so I could listen constantly. But I didn’t get 20 feet down the hallway before Alan called me back. Remi’s breathing became bad and he was twitching a bit. We started discussing taking him to the 24/7 hospital, and then he struggled again suddenly and I thought he was taking his last breaths. I thought it was too late, but then he seemed to breathe a bit again. We decided to take him out immediately, carrying him in the bed to the door, then out and into the back of the car. I drove to OakVet while Alan gave rescue breathing and CPR in the back. I drove from 19:37 and arrived there at 19:52. Doctors ran out to take him from the car and rushed in. But it was too late. They said they checked his heart with ultrasound and saw no twitching at all, so they said it was too late to do anything. They apparently also had prepped him for IV because we later saw his other front leg was shaved as well. They gave us time with Remi, and advised us about cremation options, but we decided to take him home with us and do a burial there. We stopped at Target on the way to get some clay to make some paw prints with before we bury him. It was a terrible, terrible night.
Ruffie spends his last moments with Remi.

Ruffie spends his last moments with Remi.

Saturday, August 12

Ruffie keeping Alan company while he digs deeper a final resting place for our dear Remi.

Ruffie keeping Alan company while he digs deeper a final resting place for our dear Remi.

Sunday, August 13

May you rest in peace, my dear, dear Remi.

May you rest in peace, my dear, dear Remi.

Remi, I love you so, so much, my dear friend. May you rest in peace.

Additional details

What follows is extra data I had collected in my search for causes.

Flea medication purchase history

I was not keeping detailed records of when we treated Remi with these products, so all I can say is the treatment started soon after the first order in January 2021. I initially started with the medium dog size when I for some reason thought Remi was about 35 pounds, but later measured him at closer to 50.

Dog shampoo and spray purchase history

Apparently starting in early 2020 I started buying various medical shampoos for Remi. He had some periodic spots of hair loss around his belly, which seemed to be caused by his licking too much. We worked through some theories about it being fungal or due to fleas or hot spots caused by other irritation. Eventually we kept him wearing various soft cones/collars to prevent him from licking when we weren’t with him, which was not that often. I see now the first antifungal shampoo purchase was a year before the first flea treatment, so I don’t think the fipronil caused the original hot spots despite hair loss being a possible symptom of fipronil exposure. It may not have helped later, though.

Cone collar purchase history

References

MSD Manual Veterinary Manual Phenylpyrazole (Fipronil) Toxicosis in Animals

Poisoned animals show signs of neurotoxicity (convulsions, twitching, tremors, ataxia, rigidity of limbs, hyper- or hypoactivity, vocalization, aggression, and abnormal neurologic response). In a subacute study, buffalo calves orally exposed to fipronil (0.5 mg/kg/d) produced toxic signs including salivation, lacrimation, depression, decreased body weight gain, muscle weakness, alopecia, and sunken eyes. The EPA has determined fipronil to be safe for use on dogs and cats…